And So I begin again

I remember the first time I ever posted a blog. It was weird and releasing to purge myself onto a computer page that would hold my thoughts indefinitely.

Now it just feels like coming home.

I've been traveling for the last year and a half and have further intentions of doing so; New Zealand. I haven't been too far out of my comfort zone, mostly traveling in FL, but I have had the great luck of getting an opportunity to go to Hawaii and live there for 4 mos. It was quite the visual feast and one that I recommend for any person of means. Because I developed quite a deep love for Earth living there and I'm sure NZ will offer me the same. It's all in the landscaping. Puts a beautiful spin to things.

I missed my 10yr hs reunion. I would say I am bummed by it, but honestly, the official reunion was cancelled because of poor ticket sales. I guess I wasn't the only one unmotivated to reconnect with my class of 800+. We have scattered ourselves around the country. And the reason I know that is because of facebook. I think the creation of that thing has caused the desire for reconnection to diminish. If I really want to, I can just message you. It did clarify one thing for me though. I am definitely aging. And I'm not sure I'm doing it as finely as wine which causes me to pause.

I know I'm internally damaged in a few ways. I can't really put my finger on it, but I see it in times when I become this snide, slick tongued, gossipy individual. I'm not sure why I do it. I wish I could push out of myself and really see the sunflower far beyond the seeds. I am ruining moments of beauty and simplicity because I nit pick and look for the right/perfect thing. I know it. I wish I could stop it. I need to find it somehow, or I fear that I may end up always tearing down the person who chooses to be close to me.

I'm still writing. Prose/poetry kind of things... This is one I wrote recently while wondering if I could ever piece myself together for good:

                It was filled. Filled with angles and filled with tornadoes  Filled with skylines and filled with wine. Filled with laughter and filled with bedfellows. It was unknown how it can always be so full, but never spill over. Or so it was thought. It was knocked and shattered into crystallized mirrored pieces of a whole that she tried desperately to put back together again. An unsolvable puzzle that never seemed to fit as perfectly as it once did. Despite the beauty of the container that was remade, it always leaked. It caused an unconscionable thing to arise in her as she constantly drank the life from this cup. A deep thirst rose, like a soft whisper of a spirit wind that pushed the tide to pound and strip at the sands. It took away her essence and caused an ugly hunger to nest in her deepest places. Those places were hardest to reach and hardest to heal. Now, it became her path to outrun the river that spilleth from the cup, keeping it full so as to quench her weary aches that remained constant. 

I've missed blogging. I'm off to find out about my old community and see who's still in the game ;-)

Tata4now